Goldilocks is a criminal.
Everybody always talks about the three Bears. Nobody ever talks about the three crimes.
Sure the Bears were upset, but you don’t have to be a lawyer to recognize they’ve got a pretty open-and-shut case to send young Goldilocks up for an extended stay in the State pokey.
According to the records:
- She broke into a family’s home and began eating all their food. That’s called Breaking & Entering.
- Let’s not forget that she destroyed at least one chair. We usually call this Vandalism.
- In a dramatic display of nerve, she lay her grimy, dirty, forest-ridden body all over the Bears’ clean sheets and fell asleep. That is called Squatting.
She’d be easily convicted. I mean, it’s all laid out in writing.
Oh also… Goldie is pretty darn high-maintenance, especially for a tired, starving criminal.
She’s hungry enough to break into somebody’s house yet still complains that the food is not the right temperature.
She’s too tired to walk home yet still complains that the chairs are too hard or too soft.
This gal must be a nightmare to live with.
Which reminds me…