I hate spiders.
Little spiders, big spiders, brown spiders, black spiders – I’m an equal opportunity despiser when it comes to spiders.
You see, I’ve got an irrational fear that spiders are incredibly smart and vengeful and that, if I anger them, they will figure out a way to kill me.
I’m guessing you understand why I don’t tell many people this info about me, so howzabout we keep it between us. After all, I have a reputation to uphold.
The truth is, I expect that one morning I will walk out my front door into a massive spider web. As I scramble to free myself from the sticky strings, the spider will lunge at me from its hiding place and proceed to bite my face off.
I know, it’s not logical, but neither is Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck back together, yet here we are.
You know who didn’t help me with my irrational spider fears? JK Rowling, that’s who
The Harry Potter movie did to me with spiders what “Jaws” did to me with sharks.
As it turns out, I also have an irrational fear that a mutant species of super-large spiders will invade our planet and proceed to eat all the humans. Or at least bite us in half.
I don’t want to be bitten in half by a mutant spider.
Just as I convinced myself that this whole fear is ridiculous, along comes the scene in the Harry Potter movie where he is battling a mutant species of super-large spiders that eat humans or at least bite them in half.
I can’t with all of this spider stuff. I just can’t.